Admiration is more than a simple "I love you". In a world that often prioritizes achievements and external success, it's essential for parents to foster a healthy self-esteem in their teenagers by complimenting them for their character and efforts rather than just their accomplishments. Compliments centered around qualities, personality traits, and hard work can build a strong foundation of self-worth.

Be Specific and Genuine:

1. Sincere admiration comes from the heart. Instead of offering generic praise like "good job" or "you're so smart," focus on specific traits or actions. For instance, you could say, "I really admire your perseverance in tackling difficult subjects in school" or "I noticed how kind and empathetic you were when your friend was going through a tough time." Specific compliments show that you are paying attention and genuinely appreciate their character and efforts.

2. Acknowledge Hard Work:

   Complimenting effort is a powerful way to build your teenager's self-esteem. Recognize the time and energy they invest in their activities, whether it's school projects, sports, or hobbies. Say something like, "I can see how much effort you put into your artwork, and it really shows in the results." This encourages them to keep working hard and demonstrates that you value their dedication.

3. Focus on Values and Qualities:

   Emphasize qualities and values that you want to encourage in your teenager. Compliments like "You're so compassionate and caring," "I admire your honesty," or "Your perseverance is inspiring" reinforce the importance of character traits you'd like them to develop. It sends a clear message that what's inside matters just as much, if not more, than external achievements.

4. Highlight Personal Growth:

   Compliment your teenager on their personal growth and the progress they've made over time. Recognize their journey rather than the destination. For example, you could say, "I've seen how much you've matured and become more responsible over the past year," or "I'm proud of how you've become more confident in expressing your opinions."

5. Encourage Self-Reflection:

   Encourage your teenager to reflect on their own character and efforts. Ask them questions like, "What qualities do you value most in yourself?" or "What achievements are you most proud of because of the hard work you put in?" This promotes self-awareness and helps them understand the significance of their character and effort.

Showing our admiration for our teens helps them feel seen and appreciated.  When we say "I admire the way you....." or "I love the way you....", we are going beyond the simple "I Love You" and getting specific about what's great about our teen's character.

Practice showing admiration for who your teen is and watch your connection grow stronger!